oneirophrenic | IC SPAM.

Example: I've been thinking about the library of late. Very hypocritical, I know. But I keep seeing myself pinning you against one of the shelves and giving you my mouth. Lavishing you with the kind of single-minded attention you deserve while you're forced to stay silent. Imagine it: you, struggling to be quiet. Me, looking up at you, desperate for you to just take what you want. It's just a thought, of course, but it's a persistent one.

I've begun to suspect you've never had the pleasure of a fleeting one.

Edited 2026-02-17 14:41 (UTC)

Several. Just today I thought, "if I eat another bean again, I will throw myself off this ship."

If it becomes anything more prevalent, will you leave me your book collection? Not having to escape to the library most nights would make the insomnia easier to manage.

[...] How bad is the insomnia? Be honest.

My norm. Manageable. Not cause for worry.

I will always worry about you, dragi.

Then you're welcome to spend that worry on what I'll do with my aforementioned library time.

What if I spend time with you before you sleep? I could read to you. Stroke your hair.

Edited (unfort he is in SAP MODE) 2026-02-17 18:34 (UTC)

Not because you're worried about my well-being.

I want to do it. But I am also worried about your well-being, yes. Two things can be true.

You needn't be. [...] That being said.

Why shouldn't I worry about you? Concern for one another's well-being is part of friendship, and we are friends, aren't we? [...] Rather more than that, I suppose. You know I care about you deeply, frustrating though you may be. I will gladly worry about you, and, if you allow it, do what I can to ease whatever weighs on you. So let me take care of you, Domingo.

[...] At times I worry that ~~whatever we're~~ ~~this~~ ~~what we ha~~ what we've been doing is too one-sided because you've taken care of me in so many ways already.

I think we're very even. If anything, you've done more for me.

Then, if you do this, what can I do for you? [...] Aside from the obvious.

Edited 2026-02-17 20:43 (UTC)

Can I request [...] reassurance concerning a personal matter?

Always, yes.

Please don't ask me for particulars — I can't offer them, and I'm not inclined to dissect it just now.

Someone recently informed me that they once considered making a very serious commitment to me. There was even a ring, one they thought would suit me. They chose not to buy it. They bought one for someone else instead, which is only sensible, really. Theirs is the more legitimate relationship, and ours was never truly an option for any number of reasons. It wasn't meant to be. Still, the revelation has left me reeling more than I would have predicted. I know this is an awkward question to pose to someone I'm involved with, and I hope it doesn't put you in an uncomfortable position. [...] But do I strike you as someone a person might [...] choose? I mean, truly choose. Or am I someone better suited to admiration from a distance — appreciated and desired, but never the center of someone's world?

[...] I'm extraordinarily handsome, witty, smart, and a great fuck. But am I just fun or do I have any appeal as a long term partner? From a general POV.

[...]

Of course you do, Nikola. I believe an assumption to the contrary may be less lack of appeal and more a general notion that, to those who don't know you [...] intimately enough, you may not seem interested in such a thing. ~~Why are~~ Have you [...] tried to pursue a relationship of that nature since moving to the Mnemo?

Edited 2026-02-17 21:33 (UTC)

Yes.

However, the reason I ask is [...] complicated. I don't know that I can explain it easily.

Would you like to try?

Someone informed me that they once considered making a very serious commitment to me. There was even a ring, one they thought would suit me. They chose not to buy it. They bought one for someone else instead, which is only sensible, really. Theirs is the more legitimate relationship, and ours was never truly an option for any number of reasons. It wasn't meant to be, and I'm at peace with that.

Still, the revelation has left me reeling more than I would have predicted.

[...] Then they're an idiot. And one for what seems to be myriad reasons.

Edited 2026-02-17 22:33 (UTC)

dm, 2/16.

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UNSENT.

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